In our couple relationships, when conflict arises we tend to feel locked in to certain emotional patterns. Often, one person in the partnership will fight hard and actively for connection, while the other partner may respond by withdrawing protectively, hoping to “preserve peace.” After a few rounds of this, both partners may feel frustrated, hopeless, and more disconnected than ever. A very helpful perspective is that neither of these stances—fighting for connection, or preserving connection—is wrong. Of course it doesn’t feel comfortable, but despite our best efforts, this pursuit-and-withdraw pattern may catch us over and over.
In Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy, we are collaborating to help access the strong emotions that hold these patterns in place so that they can be understood and relieved. As you each practice accessing and accepting your own and each other’s deeply-held emotions, you can feel the relief of coming home to emotional safety. From that place of safety, the old conflicts—the aftermath of infidelity, sexual tensions, family disagreements—can be resolved with mutual care and “enthusiastic agreement.”
I’m here to help! Please reach out for a free 20-minute consultation.